When Love Becomes Toxic- A Letter about Love
When love becomes toxic, what do you do?
Have you ever thought about why familial and familiar are one letter apart?
Monique, what are you saying?
I don't think it's any coincidence that familial and familiar are closely connected. Most of the ways we respond and show up in relationships started with what we learned, saw, and experienced in our early families.
What is familia-R is familia-L. We did it, heard it, and seen it before. We experienced it in our family of origin as we call it in the family therapy world. Did people put up with crap in your family? Undesirable, hurtful, invalidating experiences?
When did you learn to decrease all of you in hopes that someone would stay? Doing so would help to preserve the relationship. Or maybe you learned another lesson, fight and fight back no matter what. If you stay ready, you dont got to get ready, right? Let people know don't play with you. Your time, money, feelings, and most of all your love. Or, maybe you're a runner. People didn't talk much about issues. They packed their stuff and left. No second chances, no discussions, no "fighting for the relationship." No grace, no mercy.
What do we say sometimes? I can do bad all by myself. I can love myself. And it's true. Self-love is powerful.
But when and where do you find your soft landing space? When do you stop fighting? As much as you love yourself, you want love from another person. But what do you do when love becomes toxic? When do you say as much as I love you babe, I love me, too. I love me more. I have to choose me, love, not you this time. I'm walking away.
We leave the door cracked in love. In hopes of love. Maybe this lust...we hope it just turns to love. That situationship. That electric chemistry. The way you feel when "that name" comes across your phone or your inbox. When the person you said you were leaving alone and behind in 2023 says "I just wanna see you, I'm outside." Or another one: Stop playing.
But the truth is, love, I had to learn to protect my love. Because I gave me for love, in hopes of love, to have someone become my love, to share love. To be love. Because they said, "love cures all." Love will fix me. So, I bet it every time. Red flags and all, because I want to put my bottom dollar on this number...for love.
So, what is the lesson, love?
When love becomes toxic, one of the most powerful things you can do in business or in your love life is having the ability or power to walk away. If you're willing to walk away, you will have a lot of power and a lot of peace.
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