Standing on Business: Setting Boundaries without Guilt
Happy Sunday! Welcome back to the Undoing Toxic- Sunday Mixup blog. The mixup is coming soon; stay tuned.
I did something differently this week and I actually made an Instagram poll to narrow down what I would write about this week. This topic took the lead by 65%. Thank you to everyone who voted!
Believe it or not, this is a common question for people of all ages. How can I stand on business? For those that haven’t heard this phrase or know what it means; how can I stick to what I said I was going to do? This can be related to personal goals, with coworkers, family, your partner, and others in your life.
Accountability is a hot buzz word in the therapy space. Accountability is what most people want when they feel that they have been wronged. Can you just own up to what you did? Can you acknowledge the impact and say it out loud? Tell me sorry. And after that, show me the changed behavior.
I am all for accountability. Do we hold ourselves accountable though? Standing on business, or reflecting on your intentions and decisions, calls for radical self-accountability. Sorry to say, many people struggle holding themselves accountable. We make new years resolutions, desires, wishes, but without real work…these are just dreams.
Before you can entertain the possibility of showing up for others and giving them anything (time, money, connection, affection, etc) you have to be honest with your capacity and resources. Ask yourself: Do I have it in me?
What are you standing on business about this year? Is it any of the following?":
strengthening your finances
fitness and wellness
time management
wellness in your relationships
a new found self-care routine
something else?
In order to meet your goals for the business you’re standing on, there will come a time when you have to tell yourself and others “no.” Nobody likes that word, right? Saying “no” and setting boundaries can be a difficult but necessary decision. Telling others “yes” when you want to, or need to say “no” is self-betrayal.
Understand your needs: Recognize and understanding your own needs and limits. Knowing what is important to you and what you can tolerate will help you set realistic boundaries, guilt-free!
So, Monique, how can I begin to set boundaries without feeling bad after? Consider these next steps:
Say what you mean, and mean what you say: Be VERY clear and assertive when communicating your boundaries. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs, rather than placing blame on others. For example, say "I need some alone time" instead of "You always invade my space."
Prioritize self-care: Setting boundaries is an essential part of self-care. Recognize that taking care of your well-being allows you to be the best version of yourself for others.
Accept that you can't please everyone: It's natural to want to make others happy, but it's not realistic to please everyone all the time. Accept that setting boundaries might disappoint some people, and that's okay.
Set clear and specific boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries so that others can understand your expectations. Vague boundaries can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. If you truly cannot do something, do not say maybe. Also follow up if there is a possibility, but circumstances change.
Be consistent: Consistently enforce your boundaries. This helps others understand that your limits are not negotiable and builds a sense of respect for your needs. Some people will try to wear you down if you have a pattern of eventually folding, or giving in.
Practice self-compassion: Understand that it's okay to prioritize your well-being. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary aspect of maintaining positive relationships. You’re not a bad person for having boundaries.
Learn to say no: Saying "no" can be challenging, but it's crucial for setting boundaries. You don't need to provide a detailed explanation; a simple and polite "no" is sufficient.
Seek support: Share your boundary-setting goals with friends, family, or a therapist. Having a support system can help you feel more confident in your decisions and reduce any guilt you may experience.
Reflect on your values: Remind yourself of your values and priorities. Understanding why certain boundaries are important to you can strengthen your resolve to uphold them.
Remember, setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary part of maintaining your well-being. It's not about being selfish; it's about taking care of yourself so that you can be more present in your relationships and other areas in your life. Don’t forget your “why” or your end goal. We all have reasons for our limits and boundaries in the first place. Don’t forget them.
Did you find this blog post helpful? Drop a comment below. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer:
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