The Lost Art of Love Letters
Happy Sunday and welcome back to the Undoing Toxic Blog. As a part of this month’s theme on love and culture, I am delighted to create another blog about love today. Thank you for your support. Subscribe to never miss another blog!
Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday and it has been love, love, love all weekend. For those who enjoy this holiday, that is great. And for those who do not, this weekend may feel difficult to get through. I shared some thoughts on an Instagram post last week capturing this: “I think today with all that’s happening in the world it would be great to celebrate love in all its forms. Usually a time when the single or uncoupled are reminded of singleness, loneliness, there are other connections that don’t replace romance but can show how loved and valued you are. Focus on the love in the room. Happy Love Day.”
I have written past blogs discussing how it can be helpful to decenter romantic love. We operate in a world, probably due to capitalism and materialism, as either we have something or we lack something. We can find it hard to be in areas of grey, being on the way, because we focus on the end-goal and not the journey. Applying this to relationships and dating, it can be very difficult at times and unsatisfying. There are other very real obstacles to dating, and trust me I empathize, we just want the thing. The man. The woman. The person. The relationship. End the searching. Delete the apps. Live happily ever after. And post the pictures that show just that. If it could just be that easy… If you are reading this, I say to you now, regardless on where you are in your “love journey,” there is so much about love that goes unrealized and unsaid.
Why do I say writing love letters is a lost art? Well, because it is. Once upon a time, love was inked onto delicate pages, sealed with care, and carried across distances to reach the hearts of lovers. Love letters were more than just words; they were time capsules of thoughts, feelings, passion, devotion, and longing. Yet, in our fast-paced digital age, these kind of love letters have become a thing of the past. I am not bashing digital communication, because now we can send text messages, voice notes, photos, and emojis. We can even hop on a video call. While technology has allowed us to communicate more efficiently, something has been lost in translation: the depth, permanence, and intentionality of written expressions of love.
Three years ago, I was running around looking for another suitcase at the end of my trip. If you know me, you know this always happens. I am working on it. Just laugh. I went into one store, they did not have the type of suitcase I needed, so I left. I remember someone looking at me briefly, I thought nothing of it, and went on my way. I was running down the steps to get to the exit to go outside to another place to find a suitcase when I felt a tap on my back and someone behind me. I stopped, and turned around, and the same person from inside the store handed me a paper. I was a little confused at first, even declined to take the paper because I was thinking a million things in this moment. When I unfolded the paper, it was a note. A mini “love letter.” It had to be no more than five minutes since they first saw me. I know they wrote it on the spot because the letter detailed what they saw, a beautiful strong woman carrying her bags in the store. And ended with an intentional request and desire to continue the conversation for a scheduled date, and a phone number.
My next thoughts: wow, he had time to write on the spot? These other men can’t even text back?? Intentional, sweet. See, Monique. It is possible. People can be intentional when they choose to be. I said thank you, this was very sweet, but I am on vacation and will be returning home soon. There would be no chance.
The Power of the Written Word
Writing forces us to slow down and reflect. Unlike a text message sent in haste, a letter requires presence. It demands that we sit with our emotions, articulate them with care, and offer them as a tangible gift to another. This act of mindfulness deepens not only our self-awareness but also our connection to the person we are writing to.
Written words have a unique permanence. A handwritten letter, or card, can be tucked away in a drawer, revisited years later, and still evoke the same warmth and sentiment as the day it was received. In contrast, digital messages are often fleeting—buried under countless notifications, lost when we change phones, or deleted with the tap of a finger.
In thinking about today’s blog, I am thinking of a place I visited, “The Wall of I Love You.” It is a wall with blue tiles and white writing in different fonts, sizes, and languages, all saying “I love you.” Everyone is drawn to this wall, seeking out the phrases they understand, maybe in their primary/maternal language, and taking pictures. How can we say writing and words are not important when this wall shows us differently? For most, I think we believe in the transformative nature of love. It keeps us hopeful when we have it, and we hope to have it, or have it again if we never experienced it, or lost it. So, it was our turn to go up to the wall, and a kind stranger who took the pictures instructed us to touch the wall. In this moment, I thought to myself of all the love stories held by all of us at the Wall of I Love You, and what a powerful experience to share.
Love’s Radical Reckoning
A reckoning is a moment of truth, realization, or judgment. It often refers to a moment in time when we must face the consequences of our actions, confront reality, or come to a deep understanding of someone, something, or some situation. Love’s radical reckoning is the awakening to love’s true depth—an unfiltered, unguarded confrontation with our emotions. It can be the moment we say we want and deserve more. We break up with superficial connections, friendships, family, and situations that lack depth. Love’s radical reckoning calls for a return to authenticity, a defiance of emotional detachment, and a commitment to true connection. So what if you are “emotional” or feel too much, or express too much? As long as it is your truth, that is what matters. “Speak your truth always.” Despite having more ways to communicate than ever before, it can be difficult to express feelings openly. Fear of vulnerability, fear of rejection, or even just the sheer discomfort of confronting deep emotions can make it easier to hide behind vague texts or generic responses. But true intimacy—whether romantic or otherwise—requires honesty and depth. And make no mistake, this honesty starts with ourselves. Writing offers a pathway to that depth, allowing us to process our emotions before sharing them.
A Call to Bring Back Love Letters
Imagine the impact of receiving a heartfelt card or letter in the mail? It is nice to get mail besides bills. Wow, someone thought of me to pick out a card and write it, or write a letter. The things we create and write have so much personality. We can read it in their voice. Love letters, notes, and cards do not need to only be reserved for grand romantic gestures like Valentine’s Day; they can be written to partners, friends, family members, or even ourselves at any time. They serve as reminders of our capacity to feel deeply, to connect sincerely, and to leave a lasting imprint on those we care about.
As a woman, a writer, a thinker, a feeler, a relationship therapist, a friend, a daughter, and so much more, I charge us to be more vulnerable in our exchanges. We can revive the art of writing…today. Let’s trade some of our quick texts for letters and cards that linger. Whether on paper, in a card, or in a carefully crafted email, let us choose to say what we truly mean. Because when we put our hearts into words, we give them life—and that is a gift worth preserving. So much in love goes unsaid, let’s tell who needs to hear it. We want to smell our flowers while we can.
Thank you for reading. Happy Valentine’s Day weekend.
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