Contracts Expire
Happy Sunday and welcome back to the final blog entry for February! Have you enjoyed this month’s theme of love and culture? Well, today’s blog is a mix of love, friendship, relationships, and how to move through different seasons of connection. Share this blog with a friend and do not forget to subscribe to never miss another blog.
Have you ever woken up and realized a relationship (any connection, friend, family, romantic, etc.) has undeniably shifted? The energy is not the same…but why? You start thinking and replaying the last few interactions. Was there a fight? No. A big betrayal? No. A misunderstanding? No. It is just very quiet where connection used to be. Suddenly, you realize the vibe has changed, and deep down within your spirit, you know things will not be the same again with this person, or people.
Hard truth: Contracts expire.
Yes, even in relationships. The moment we walk into someone’s life, the clock starts running. Not to trigger your anxious attachment, I know that I ask myself, will this be a blessing or a lesson? How long will we have with each other? Every connection we form comes with an unspoken contract—an understanding of how we show up for each other. Sometimes, those terms were only meant for a specific season of your life. When growth happens—on either side—that contract can expire. Different relationships come with different contracts and different terms. Some are lifelong. Others? Seasonal teachers—there to help you grow, learn, or even survive tough moments.
And here’s the truth:
We can’t do business in misalignment.
You would not keep signing a deal that no longer serves your purpose or values, right? The same applies to friendships, family bonds, and romantic partnerships. Some relationships were built on old versions of you. As you evolve, so do your needs and boundaries. Not everyone will be able to join you in your new chapter.
Sometimes there are “unexplainable and unexpected” ends to relationships. Other times, there are clear indicators that things may have been leading up to the end of a friendship or relationship. I also think of situations where people wait for inciting events to end a connection- they wanted to go but were maybe waiting for a way out and the moment of opportunity has arrived. Like the old Jamaican saying goes: “Drancro wan go a sea, breeze ketch him, him reach deh faster.”
I pride myself on being strong and not running after people who have chosen not to renew their contracts with me. I did not say it did not hurt. I also never said it was what I wanted. I, like you, have lost people I did not want to lose. We needed more time, I wanted to show them more. It was just a misunderstanding. We had a great friendship, relationship, connection! Come back…please? We internalize loss. You may start asking yourself, “What did I do?” “How did I not see this coming?” “Who got their interest and suddenly I became less important?” We often think if we take responsibility or blame for a situation, we can fix it or change the outcome. This is not always true. People have agency, choice, and power to be present and absent from who and where they want to be.
I thought more about contracts and rituals. Do we celebrate anniversaries to renew contracts? Think about it: When we mark anniversaries, are we really just renewing our contracts? A celebration and agreement that says, “I still choose you. I still align with you. I still want us.”
And if we are not celebrating, maybe it is time to reflect. Are we holding on to expired contracts out of guilt, fear, or comfort?
Here’s your reminder: Some contracts have expired. It is okay to let go. It doesn’t mean the connection was not valuable—it just means it served its purpose.
The next question may be so how do I let go of expired relationships/contracts? Letting go with grace isn’t always about saying goodbye—it’s about acknowledging the shift, honoring the bond for what it was, and releasing what no longer serves you.
1. Acknowledge and Face the Truth
The hardest part is often admitting the relationship has run its course. It can be painful, especially when there’s no clear “reason” for the change. But staying in denial will only keep you stuck. You can love someone and still recognize when their presence in your life is stunting your growth.
Ask yourself:
Am I living by my values or someone else’s expectations?
Does staying connected honor my well-being?
Does this connection still nurture who I am becoming?
Am I holding on out of loyalty? Time spent or invested? To who I used to be?
It is okay if the answers feel uncomfortable. Truth often does. There is no shame in outgrowing someone. It does not mean you are disloyal—it means you are evolving.
2. Honor What Was
Gratitude can be a form of closure. Not every ending needs drama. Sometimes, closure is not about having a final heart-to-heart conversation. Sometimes this can prolong releasing the relationship or can be used manipulatively in an attempt to “change their mind.” Instead, reflect and honor the role you both played in each other’s journey. Reflect on what you needed but did not receive—and give yourself permission to seek it elsewhere.
Try this practice:
Write down what the relationship gave you—lessons, memories, support.
Acknowledge how both of you showed up the best you could with the tools you had at the time.
Say thank you—out loud, on paper, or in your heart.
Gratitude doesn’t mean you need to stay connected; it means you respect what was while making peace with what is.
3. Protect your peace and heart
Not every relationship requires a sit-down conversation to end. Sometimes, letting go looks like:
Responding less frequently.
Saying “no” without explaining yourself.
Creating emotional distance when physical space isn’t possible (especially with family).
You do not owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace. It’s okay to adjust how you show up without guilt.
4. Release, Don’t Resent
Would you rather someone stringing you along in their life when they really did not want you there? Or, them being honest and letting you go? Letting go isn’t about cutting people off with bitterness—it’s about releasing resentment and allowing both of you the freedom to grow.
You can say:
“I wish them well, but they no longer have access to me.”
“That chapter served its purpose, and I am grateful for what I learned.”
It’s not about who’s right or wrong—it’s about creating space for mutual growth, even if that growth happens apart.
5. Make Space for Who and What is Next
When an old contract expires, it creates space for something new: deeper friendships, healthier love, and greater self-understanding. Instead of rushing to fill the void, allow yourself to sit with it. In that quiet space, you’ll often find clarity, healing, and the next version of yourself waiting to emerge.
Your Reminder: You’re Allowed to Outgrow What No Longer Fits
Letting go doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re brave enough to honor your growth and to break cycles that no longer serve you. There is grief associated with the releasing of all relationships—the ones we ended, or chose to stop watering, and the ones others no longer wanted with us. We also grieve potential- what could have been, but did not materialize.
The Silent Grief of Unfulfilled Potential
It is easy to recognize the pain of a breakup, a fallout, or even the loss of someone through death. But what about the grief of:
The friendship that never deepened the way you thought it would?
The romantic connection that fizzled before it even started?
The family bond you wished could have been healthy but never was?
It is the mourning of what could have been said, shared, or built. The future memories that now won’t exist. It is real—and it deserves to be acknowledged. Naming that loss allows you to honor the invisible wounds that often get overlooked. It is easy to dismiss this type of grief: “It wasn’t that serious,” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.” But here’s the truth: Just because a relationship didn’t fully materialize doesn’t mean the loss isn’t real. You are allowed to feel sadness for:
The connection that faded too soon.
The person you never got to love the way you wanted to.
The relationship you needed but never had, especially within family.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to grieve. Let go of the need for a perfect, clean, definitive ending. Closure is not always equally valued or mutual. You may never get the apology, explanation, or moment of clarity you desire. Are you going to wait for something that may never come? Sometimes, we feel robbed because we believe we are entitled to a conversation where we can ask all the questions and feeling like we need all the answers. Closure is not about what the other person gives or says to you—it is about the acceptance you grant yourself about the current state of the relationship connection.
Thing to remember:
I may never understand why this ended, but I can still find peace.
I release the need for what never came.
Grieving Isn’t Weakness—It’s Proof You Loved Deeply
Whether you are releasing a long-term connection, a toxic dynamic, or the potential of something beautiful that never fully bloomed—your grief is valid. It is not just about losing a person. It is about losing a version of yourself that existed in that connection. We give grace to others forgetting that we also need to give it to ourselves.
Even the relationships that didn’t reach their full potential still teach us something. Maybe it was about setting boundaries, recognizing red flags earlier, that you needed to stop crashing out, or learning what you need and value from a connection. You can grow from an experience without carrying the pain of it forever. Letting go doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are brave enough to feel the loss fully, honor what was (or could have been), and still choose healing.
So, turn to yourself—and your neighbor and say—That old contract is expired!
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