1000 Angry Text Messages

Written By Monique Evans

Happy Sunday and Happy Black History Month 2025! As a reminder, this month’s content will be about love and culture. Today’s blog will be about love, communication, and relationships. Subscribe to never miss another blog update.

If you went to sleep, or came back to your phone after an extended period of time and saw you had 1000 angry text messages from your partner or love interest…you might say they “crashed out.” Crash out, or crashing out is defined as when someone loses control and freaks out. It’s a slang term that means that they've been broken to the point of an outburst. (Urban Dictionary and Know Your Meme sources)

What could they be saying that required sending 1000 angry text messages?

And if you are not on the receiving end, could you be the one who is sending the messages?

Have you ever been a “crash out” for love?

You felt a lot, felt deeply, loved, and wanted to make sure “everything was okay?” Maybe this is the way anxious and anxious/avoidant attached individuals respond to get reassurance in partnership. Or, feeling like this was the only way to spill their thoughts and emotions after keeping composure for so long.

Let me be clear, I am not condoning or encouraging harmful, toxic, threatening, and abusive forms of communication. I am reflecting on collected experiences and information for today’s blog. We are in the season of love. We want it, we feel it, if we lack it, we are trying to figure out how to get it. We receive messages that love and relationships may just resolve some of our issues. What people fail to mention is that a partner and a relationship are a mirror. You will see and act out things you did not expect from yourself and your partner at times. These emotions lay dormant, sleeping, in waiting, until aroused. So, while there are many jokes online about “crashing out” or being a “crash out,” it is a response to something. Crashing out means something within you and/or your partner has been triggered. The next questions are: What happened? Why? What can I do? How can I help?

As a couple’s and relationship therapist, inside and outside the therapy room, I often get asked questions about dating, my own relationship status, and why is it so difficult for people to communicate. Newly acquainted folks and long-standing couples can and do struggle with communication. In the beginning, people do not want to give too much, too fast. We caution new couples and dating prospects to pace themselves. “It’s still early…good things take time…Rome was not built in a day…” Pacing serves as the scaffold and builds the foundation for trust and vulnerability in your relationship. For couples that have been together for a while, I believe they can experience a combination of communication issues including but not limited to: decreased sharing/vulnerability, only sharing while arguing/high conflict, sharing with others but not each other, misunderstanding or recognizing shifts in personal and shared values. Communication combines the things we say and do not say. Also the details like tone, affection, delivery and our body language.

The Weight of Unspoken Words

Love is often as much about what we don’t say as what we do. We hesitate to be vulnerable, to ask for what we need, or to express our deepest fears. We swallow words in the name of preserving peace or protecting ourselves from rejection. Over time, these silences build walls between people who once shared everything.

In therapy, we see how these unspoken emotions turn into resentment, anxiety, and disconnection. The partner who longs to hear “I love you” but never does, the individual who fears expressing frustration because they don’t want to seem needy—these small moments accumulate, shaping the landscape of our relationships.

The Power of Honest Communication

Honest conversations can be difficult, especially when they expose our insecurities and desires. Yet, when we speak from a place of authenticity, we give love the chance to grow in real, meaningful ways. Are you willing to risk discomfort for the sake of connection?

Consider asking yourself:

  • What is something I wish I could say to a loved one but haven’t?

  • What fears hold me back from expressing myself fully?

  • How can I communicate my needs with both honesty and kindness?

Love is not just about feeling—it’s about communicating, risking, and choosing connection over silence. So, Monique, do I need to crash out so my man, my woman, or partner understand me better? And that I am not playing? I will not tell you not to crash out, but try to understand what would make you feel like that might happen? What is happening that you or them are not addressing? I find honesty is the best policy. Start off by saying this is hard for me to say, but I want to be honest with you about how I have been feeling, this situation between us, this thing from our past. You are modeling vulnerability while taking the risk anyway.

And to the person receiving the 1000 angry text messages…listen for the needs in there and what is realistic or not for you. Unless it’s the final conversation and you’re breaking up, this is a chance to walk together and do things better and differently. May this season be a reminder that love is found in what we say, in what we listen for, and in the courage to speak even when it feels difficult.

Thoughts? I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment or email me.

Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com

Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)

For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.

Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.

Disclaimer:

The intention for using social media for social workers and other mental health professionals is for marketing, education, advocacy, thought leadership, and providing content in a technologically changing field. We want to do this while making potential therapy-seekers aware of the risks and benefits of engagement on social media and Internet where mental health professionals are present. A therapeutic relationship is a professional relationship and in today's technological climate, a social media presence or following your therapist on social media is not to be confused with a relationship outside of therapy. Ethical, professional, and therapeutic boundaries must be followed and honored. 

  • A counseling social media page or blog is not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health and medical care. A social media presence as a counseling professional is not seeking an endorsement, request, or rating from past or current clients. No social media posts or blog should be considered professional advice. The information contained in posts is general information for educational purposes only.

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  • Please consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your health and wellbeing. 

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Monique Evans
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