Friendship Is a Lifesaving Romance
I’ve been saying this for a while: Friendship is a lifesaving romance. And it truly is.
Believe it or not, romance or feelings of love are not limited to amorous relationships. You can love your friends too!
I have also been learning to say it: I love you. If you love someone, tell them. We think we have time when we really don’t. Tell people how you feel about them today. “You don’t know the value of a moment until it’s a memory.”
While closing out 2023, I looked through my phone’s camera roll, and there were moments I forgot about. Pictures that didn’t make the internet and a bunch of selfies. There were also moments where things looked really, really good, but I knew deep down at that time I was going through a storm. Have you ever smiled while your world felt like it was falling apart?
I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time letting people see me in a storm. I try to hide, like an earthworm, or a snail…in a shell, underground, waiting for it to pass. And maybe I got a little wet, I feel yucky, and I want to be alone.
Friendship is a lifesaving romance. During these storms, I recognized how fortunate I was to have people around me who can see me. They can even feel my silence and see through my mask when I tried to uphold that everything was good and “it’s cool.” Friends who ask “How are you?” and they want the long, complex, layered, answer.
You need someone you can call late at night and early in the morning. You need a friend who says “let’s go outside, I’m here.”
One of my friends hatessssssss when i say “it’s cool.” I have learned this is emotional bypassing. When I do this, I am not allowing myself to feel. Have you been here? It’s too painful to feel sometimes. We feel all day. I hold space for other people. So, sometimes when it is time to deal with my feelings, I am tired or I don’t want to. Or, it’s going to be work. I have to get vulnerable, journal, maybe vent to a trusted person, process it in therapy, and I might cry.
Crying is a beautiful release. Something I had to unlearn about crying was that I once thought crying in front of others meant I was weak. I cried at least once a month on Zoom during the pandemic. It was such an emotional time. A former version of myself would have been so upset with myself for crying on public display. But the truth is, I was with people who were like family. I was in community. By allowing ourselves to be seen, we open ourselves to the opportunity to be supported.
Consider these two questions:
Do you have lifesaving friendships in your life?
Is it time to cultivate friendships and community for yourself?
Even if we choose to roam alone, no one is an island. We really need each other.
“Good friends are better than pocket money.”
To all my friends, past, present, and future who have and will pull me out of a hole, I love you. Thank you.
This is my love letter to you. Thank you for the gift of friendship with lifesaving romance.
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