Relationships and Holidays
Happy November, everyone! The holiday months are upon us and it is up to us to get through them.
I posted this on Instagram yesterday:
“Relationships and holidays. Complicated? Let's talk about it.
Holidays often bring together family members who, outside of special occasions, may not spend much time together—and this can make even small differences feel larger. Holidays come with high expectations around love, connection, and joy, but real family dynamics are often more complex.”
This is not my first holiday season blog. If you have not already checked out the older ones, take a look:
Grief and the Holidays- Cope Ahead (click to read)
Do I Buy A Gift For My Sneaky Link? (click to read)
Surviving Existential Crisis at the Holiday Dinner Table (click to read)
Expectations play a huge part in holiday stress. This is a time where people want to go above and beyond for their families, partners, children, friends, etc with gift-giving and social gatherings to show love and care. The thing that goes unnamed and unnoticed with expectations is emotional labor.
Emotional labor is a word that comes up in the therapy space which simply means “the mental activity required to manage or perform the routine tasks necessary for maintaining relationships and the management of one's emotions in order to present oneself and interact with other people in a certain way.” Emotional labor means when I go to this dinner, this get-together, see these people, host, get asked 21 questions about (insert whatever topic) I have to be on.
Well, we do inconvenient things for people we love, right? So, being “on,” is not that bad.
Show up, put on a good face, don’t go empty handed.
We want to convey that we are present and that we care. For individuals, couples, and families in crisis and conflict, this is a trying time. We often hear about increased noticeability of depression in the winter time. Why don’t we talk more about relationship dynamics?
More often than not, some people are faking it until they are making it in some of their closest relationships. People find themselves doing this to avoid conflict and confrontation. It is also possible that it is “easier” to go with the plan than to stay home because saying “no” will be met with questions. How does one honor their personal capacity and boundaries at the same time? My personal and professional answer is: It’s real and it’s tough.
Here are some strategies that may help to manage some expected holiday season stress stress:
Set Realistic Expectations & Boundaries
Define Boundaries: Recognize what you feel comfortable with and where your boundaries are. It’s okay to limit time with family members or a partner if you feel overwhelmed.
Lower Pressure on “Perfection”: The holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect, so allow for imperfections. Aim for moments of calm rather than idealized happiness.
Cope Ahead- Prepare for Difficult Situations in Advance
Plan Responses: Think ahead about how to respond calmly to topics or triggers that commonly create tension (i.e., old family drama, political discussions, gossip, etc.)
Consider an Exit Strategy: It may just be time to go. Give yourself the option of leaving stressful gatherings early or taking breaks to decompress if you’re feeling drained or upset.
Make Time for Self-Care
Prioritize YourMental Health: Carve out time each day for activities that help you recharge, like meditation, journaling, or physical exercise. These practices can help you stay grounded.
Set Aside Solo Time: Even in the busiest social settings, taking short walks, reading, or enjoying a hobby on your own can restore energy and provide a mental reset.
Intentional Communication
Choose the Right Moments: Holiday gatherings may not be the ideal time to resolve deep-seated issues. Instead, find private times for meaningful conversations if you’re ready.
Use “I” Statements: If you feel the need to address tensions, focus on how you feel instead of blaming others, which can make the conversation less confrontational.
Focus on What You Can Control
Redirect Energy to Positive Activities: Help out with cooking, organizing, or even small community acts of service. Engaging in positive actions can lift your mood and provide a healthy distraction.
Mindfulness Practices: Practicing mindfulness can help keep your thoughts from spiraling. Deep breathing exercises, for instance, can calm your mind in heated moments.
Seek Support Outside of Family or Partner
Lean on Friends or Supportive Community: Reaching out to friends who understand your situation or joining support groups can give you emotional support outside of the family dynamic.
Consider Counseling or Therapy: Even short-term counseling around the holiday season can give you tools to cope. Some therapists offer sessions focused on managing holiday stress.
Reevaluate Your Priorities and Needs
Celebrate Small Wins: Look for moments that bring you peace or happiness, even if they’re small, like enjoying a favorite treat or watching a holiday movie.
Reflect on Your Needs: This may also be a good time to assess your relationships. Sometimes, stepping back from conflict can bring clarity on whether to work through issues or to consider changes in the relationship.
Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)
For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.
Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.
Disclaimer:
The intention for using social media for social workers and other mental health professionals is for marketing, education, advocacy, thought leadership, and providing content in a technologically changing field. We want to do this while making potential therapy-seekers aware of the risks and benefits of engagement on social media and Internet where mental health professionals are present. A therapeutic relationship is a professional relationship and in today's technological climate, a social media presence or following your therapist on social media is not to be confused with a relationship outside of therapy. Ethical, professional, and therapeutic boundaries must be followed and honored.
A counseling social media page or blog is not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health and medical care. A social media presence as a counseling professional is not seeking an endorsement, request, or rating from past or current clients. No social media posts or blog should be considered professional advice. The information contained in posts is general information for educational purposes only.
Be mindful of sharing personal details or details or others if you choose to comment.
Please consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your health and wellbeing.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical and/or psychiatric mental health crisis and requires assistance, please call 911 emergency services.
988- National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
Safe Horizon 24-hour Hotlines (se habla español):
Domestic violence victims: 800-621-HOPE (4673)
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