Wear Yuh Tings
Happy Sunday! Today’s Undoing Toxic blog is a personal reflection and collection of some recent thoughts and lessons.
Trigger warning(s): grief, death
I really didn’t want to make another blog about grief so soon, but it’s been on my mind. “Wear yuh tings!” Wear your things. I’ve been thinking about this phrase since this summer. I remember getting a call that the friend of a family member had passed away and there were some things to look at. My first reaction was…Okay? I never really did this before, but I was told to bring something to be able to carry anything I saw there that I wanted. When we got to the deceased friend’s apartment I feel like I walked into a time capsule. Things accumulated over a lifetime, handpicked one by one was in this apartment. And it was no longer his to have as he passed on. People were here to cherry pick what they wanted. Fine china, art, furniture, music records, tapes, books, musical scores, a grand piano and the list goes on.
Everyone says here today and gone tomorrow, and it’s true. Eat the delicious food and book the trip! But do we wear our things? Growing up Jamaican, and I am sure many can relate, there were certain things you were encouraged to “put up” or save for a special day or occasion. Do not be caught with it on a regular day! You wore your Sunday Best only on Sunday. Certain shoes, jackets, and jewelry only came out on special occasions. And you grow up holding on to this lesson. Save, save, save. It’s not a bad lesson. However, I found for myself that I held on to many things for a long time. I bought things and held onto them for so long that I outgrew it or the item no longer worked. A sign of abundance is unworn items in your closet with the tag, but yet we still want more things.
Wear yuh tings! If not, someone will wear it for you. Yes, sometimes we have to wait for that special moment to pop out with that new thing, but life is the special occasion. I remind myself of that every time I want hold off on using something. What am I holding on to? Is it really that serious? Most things we are afraid of losing or using can be replaced. And everything we have will one day be destroyed. What’s the lesson? Enjoy as much as you can while you can. All things are temporary.
The day my brother died was a workday. It was a Monday and I had started work already. I got the news in between sessions and could not continue. I had to cancel the rest of the day, and did! I cannot even begin to describe that grief. I was frozen, I felt like I could not do anything. I even had to cancel a personal meeting and while I was fearful of disappointing and not showing up, I was met with understanding. “Your brother just died. One day you will use what you’re going through to help other people. But right now, your job is to focus on you.” Thank you.
Like wearing your things, I had to give myself permission to grieve. I held on to so much including I still needed to show up for others. I had to show up for me. Healers need healing. Healers need holding, too. These past few months have been rough. Lessons I’ve learned from grief is that some people will not be able to join you. They don’t know how to come in and shut the door and sit with you and whether it would be silence, crying, bawling, or something else.
Some people can’t join you because they can’t witness.
Don’t wait to live.
The day comes and everyone takes your stuff.
Don’t personalize people not showing up.
Focus on the love in the room.
Wear yuh tings.
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