Move. You Are Not A Tree
Welcome back. Today’s blog is a reflection on why sometimes we resist change and stay rooted in unaligned positions.
We stay in places long after they stop feeling like home. We linger in relationships that have expired, jobs that deplete us, and friendships that no longer nourish us. We convince ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, something will change. We wait for a sign, for permission, for certainty.
But what if staying is costing you more than leaving ever would?
There is a popular saying: “Move. You are not a tree.” Simple, but powerful. Trees stay rooted in the same soil, no matter how depleted it becomes. People, however, are meant to grow, evolve, and—when necessary—move. The spaces, people, and jobs that once made sense may no longer serve who you are becoming. And yet, the hardest thing isn’t recognizing when it’s time to go—it’s actually leaving.
The Illusion of Comfort
Familiarity can be deceiving. Just because something feels comfortable doesn’t mean it’s healthy. We often mistake comfort for safety when, in reality, it’s just what we’ve always known. There is a difference between being at peace and simply being used to chaos.
Think about the times you’ve stayed in situations past their expiration date:
A relationship that no longer feels like love but like obligation.
A job that pays the bills but drains your spirit.
A friendship that feels one-sided, where you’re always the giver.
A family dynamic where you silence yourself to keep the peace.
We second-guess leaving because:
We fear the unknown. “What if I never find better?”
We are emotionally invested. “But I’ve put in so much time.”
We doubt ourselves. “Maybe I’m expecting too much.”
We’ve internalized guilt. “If I leave, am I being selfish?”
But what if staying is the real act of self-betrayal?
Knowing When It’s Time to Go
Not every place, person, or opportunity is meant to be permanent. Some experiences are just seasons—meant to teach us something before we move forward. Yet, many of us are afraid to honor that truth.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel drained, unappreciated, or unseen in this situation?
Am I constantly justifying someone’s behavior at my own expense?
Do I stay because it’s familiar, even if it no longer feels right?
Have I been convincing myself that my needs are “too much” rather than realizing this space just isn’t enough?
If I met someone in my exact situation, would I advise them to stay?
If the answer to any of these is yes, it might be time to leave. And not just physically—sometimes, the real work is emotionally detaching and allowing yourself to let go of what is no longer aligned.
Working Through the Doubt
Leaving is not just about walking away. It’s about trusting yourself enough to walk toward something better.
Reframe the fear – Instead of asking, “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I thrive?”
Acknowledge the grief – Even when something is not good for us, leaving can still hurt. Give yourself space to mourn what you thought it could be.
Take small steps – You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need the courage to make the next best move.
Silence the noise – People may not understand your decision. That’s okay. Growth isn’t always understood by those who benefit from your stagnation.
Choosing yourself is not selfish. It is survival.
You Deserve More
You don’t have to stay stuck. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to outgrow relationships, jobs, and identities that no longer fit. You are allowed to choose yourself, even if no one else understands why.
You are not a tree. You do not have to stay where you are planted.
Growth is waiting. Move.
Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)
For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.
Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.
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