A Million ‘What If’ Moments

Happy Sunday and welcome back to the Undoing Toxic Blog. Today I am sharing a semi-personal reflection on how we can channel uncertainty and turn it into purpose.

I have encountered uncertainty and anxiety in my personal and professional life. I have encountered therapy-seekers who also want to get a better control on things that feel out of control in their life. Some therapists feel how can I help someone if I share a similar struggle? Lived experience is a teacher in itself in addition to what we learn in a classroom. A few weeks ago, I finished watching this show, “Harlem” and went into my own “what if?” spiral. I started asking myself some of the following questions:

What if I had made a different choice?

What if I had spoken up?

What if I had stayed?

What if I had left sooner?

These questions can haunt us, looping in our minds as we try to make sense of our past, our decisions, and the unknown futures ahead. But, at the end of the questioning, I wondered, would I be who I am right now without these experiences?

Uncertainty has a way of holding us hostage. It sneaks into our thoughts when we least expect it, whispering doubts and regrets that make us second-guess ourselves. We replay past moments, trying to rewrite history in our minds, or we become paralyzed by the unknown, afraid to move forward because we can’t guarantee the outcome.

But what if we saw uncertainty differently? What if we stopped seeing it as a threat and started viewing it as an opportunity? What if questioning wasn’t about fear, but about growth?

The Power of Questioning

Questioning is an essential part of self-reflection and growth. It means we care. It means we’re thinking critically, considering our choices, and trying to make sense of our experiences. But when we get stuck in an endless cycle of “what ifs,” we risk getting lost in regret and self-doubt.

There’s a fine line between healthy reflection and harmful rumination. Reflection helps us learn from the past and make better choices moving forward. Rumination, on the other hand, keeps us trapped in a loop of self-criticism and hesitation. The difference between the two often lies in what we do with our questions—do they lead us toward clarity, or do they keep us stuck?

Shifting From Doubt to Purpose

When you find yourself caught in the spiral of uncertainty, consider these questions instead:

• What is this moment trying to teach me?

• What can I do with this knowledge now?

• How can I use my reflections to make more intentional choices moving forward?

Rather than letting uncertainty become a roadblock, let it be a guide. It is okay not to have all the answers—none of us do. But we can take what we know, what we have learned, and turn it into something meaningful.

Reframing the “What Ifs”

Sometimes, our “what ifs” are rooted in fear—the fear of making the wrong choice, the fear of disappointment, the fear of the unknown. But uncertainty doesn’t always have to mean danger; it can also mean possibility.

Instead of thinking, What if I fail? try asking, What if I succeed?
Instead of fearing, What if this doesn’t work out? try considering, What if it does?
Instead of assuming, What if I regret this? ask yourself, What if this leads me exactly where I’m meant to be?

Uncertainty is a blank page. You get to decide what’s written next.

Moving From “What If” to “What Now”

The key to breaking free from the grip of uncertainty is shifting from what if to what now. Instead of getting stuck in hypothetical scenarios, focus on what you can do today.

Ask yourself:

• What action, no matter how small, can bring me closer to the life I want?

• What choice aligns with who I am becoming?

• How can I embrace uncertainty as a necessary part of growth?

Uncertainty is inevitable. It’s woven into every stage of life, from relationships to career changes to personal growth. The goal isn’t to eliminate it—it’s to learn how to navigate it with purpose.

A Final Reflection

The next time you find yourself caught in a million “what if” moments, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are not lost—you are in motion. Every question you ask yourself has the potential to lead you somewhere new. The answers may not be immediate, but the journey itself is where transformation happens.

What if, instead of fearing the unknown, you embraced it? What if, instead of doubting yourself, you trusted the process?

What if, in this very moment, you chose to believe that everything is unfolding exactly as it should?

Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com

Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)

For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.

Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.

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