If You Still Have Time…
Happy Sunday! As the last Sunday of the month and Mental Health Awareness Month is wrapping up, I felt compelled to switch gears and write a different kind of piece today.
If you still have time…
If you still have time to be racist, microaggressive, and otherwise vulgarly and wantonly inappropriate while seeking mental health support, you have bigger problems to address.
I am choosing to use my platform today to talk about some of the invalidating, racist, microaggressive, and offensive experiences that myself and other BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) in helping professions and other positions often have to swallow because of “what we do.” While working in the business of helping, we have our own feelings, and are often expected to “over stand” (this means be extra understanding) of what others are going through even in the face of invalidation and disrespect. May is Mental Health Month and the mental health, wellness, and emotional safety of clinicians and providers matters just as much. We matter too.
What is a microaggression? “The meaning of microaggression is a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority); also: behavior or speech that is characterized by such comments or actions.”
What could a client or someone who wants your help or treatment do that is “so bad?”
If you cannot think of any examples or recall any experiences where you experienced being on the receiving end of a microaggression, consider yourself fortunate. Unfortunately, for some of us, many examples come to mind, and the feelings that go with it.
Being credential checked, oh you are an LMSW, not an LCSW? Having to name drop the educational institution you went to hoping that the prestigious name buys you credibility with the inquiring client or patient. While being the clinician or provider, being questioned every step of the way to provide rationale for every question, intervention, or decision you have to make in efforts to help your client which only impedes the work they say they are here to do, because we can’t get to it until the questions are answered.
What’s wrong with asking questions or wanting to know about fill in the blank intervention or decisions about one’s care? At the surface, nothing. There is just a concerned client/patient wanting to be well-informed. What is underneath their behavior tells you all you need to know. Are they seemingly only “this inquisitive” with you?
It is a way of invalidating your expertise and status as the clinician or provider. And we, providers, must take into account and be curious about what this is all about. This is one way the treatment space can also become unsafe for us. But we are often taught to not fight back, do not be combative, and turn it into a “teaching lesson.” Model grace and mercy to those who are seeking to put us down.
Why wouldn’t you expect any person who has been violated in this way to not want to react? Aren’t we humans too? If you cut me, I’ll bleed. Just like my fellow professional colleagues across all professions who can relate to this experience.
We did the work of not only going to school, but learning how to manage these moments as gracefully as possible, because there are people who “still have the time.”
Handling microaggressions and other invalidating experiences is very personal and can be challenging. Here are some steps you can consider to address them:
1. Recognize the Microaggression- Understanding what constitutes a microaggression is the first step. Microaggressions are subtle, often unintentional, discriminatory comments or behaviors that marginalize individuals based on their identity, such as race, gender, sexual orientation, or disability.
2. Stay Calm- When you experience a microaggression, take a moment to breathe and compose yourself. Reacting in anger or frustration can escalate the situation and make it harder to address constructively.
3. Assess the Situation- Consider the context and the person involved. Is it a one-time comment or part of a pattern? Is the person likely to be receptive to feedback? This can help you decide how to approach the situation.
4. Choose Your Response- There are several ways to respond to a microaggression:
Direct Approach: Address the comment or behavior directly. This can be done politely but firmly. For example, "What you just said made me uncomfortable because it seems to suggest [explain how if affects you]."
Indirect Approach: Use questions/curiosity to make the person reflect on their statement. For example, "Can you explain what you meant by that?" or "What makes you think that?"
Delay the Response: Sometimes it's better to address the issue later, especially if you're in a public setting or need time to process your thoughts. You can bring it up in a private conversation when you're ready.
5. Educate and Inform- If the person is open to learning, explain why their comment or behavior is problematic. Provide context and share your perspective to help them understand the impact of their actions. This also helps to set a boundary.
6. Seek Support- Community! Talking to friends, family, or colleagues can provide emotional support and give you additional perspectives on how to handle the situation and move forward. If the microaggression occurs at work or school, consider speaking with a supervisor, HR, or a counselor. This last step may or may not effect instant change, but creates a papertrail if similar incidents continue to occur. Document the incident(s) helps to note any patterns and if you later need to escalate it.
7. Set Boundaries- Make it clear what behavior is unacceptable and what your boundaries are. For example, "I would appreciate it if you didn't make comments like that in the future."
8. Self-Care- Experiencing microaggressions can be draining. Engage in activities that help you de-stress and take care of your mental and emotional well-being.
9. Advocate for Change-If you feel comfortable, use your experience to advocate for broader changes in your community or organization. This could involve participating in diversity training, policy development, or other initiatives aimed at reducing microaggressions.
Handling microaggressions involves a combination of recognizing them, choosing an appropriate response, and seeking support when needed. Each situation you experience may require a different response. We also have to pick our battles. I may not be the provider for you, but you’re welcome to be treated by someone else, somewhere else. We do not have to tolerate harmful behavior because of “what we do.” We deserve to work with people who value and respect us. These are the rules of engagement, we accept nothing less!
I would love to hear from you. Drop me a comment or email moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
Disclaimer:
The intention for using social media for social workers and other mental health professionals is for marketing, education, advocacy, thought leadership, and providing content in a technologically changing field. We want to do this while making potential therapy-seekers aware of the risks and benefits of engagement on social media and Internet where mental health professionals are present. A therapeutic relationship is a professional relationship and in today's technological climate, a social media presence or following your therapist on social media is not to be confused with a relationship outside of therapy. Ethical, professional, and therapeutic boundaries must be followed and honored.
A counseling social media page or blog is not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health and medical care. A social media presence as a counseling professional is not seeking an endorsement, request, or rating from past or current clients. No social media posts or blog should be considered professional advice. The information contained in posts is general information for educational purposes only.
Be mindful of sharing personal details or details or others if you choose to comment.
Please consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your health and wellbeing.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical and/or psychiatric mental health crisis and requires assistance, please call 911 emergency services.
988- National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
Safe Horizon 24-hour Hotlines (se habla español):
Domestic violence victims: 800-621-HOPE (4673)
Victims of crime and their families: 866-689-HELP (4357)