Who Is On The Chopping Block?
Happy Sunday and welcome back to the Undoing Toxic Blog. This is the second-to-last entry for this year. Thank you for your support. If you have not already, you can subscribe to not miss any updates on the blog’s homepage.
We are approaching the end of the year and I got an urge and a few requests to write a piece on friendships and relationships coming to an end and how to handle those transitions. Today, I bring you “Who Is On The Chopping Block?”
When someone refers to a relationship being "on the chopping block," it typically means the relationship is at a very critical point with a strong possibility that it might end. "On the chopping block" emphasizes that the relationship is at risk of being "cut off" or terminated, similar to how something on a literal chopping block is about to be chopped.
Sometimes, we often consider very big and unforgivable situations as an easy rationale to end a relationship (all types, including friendships) without looking back. What about some of the less clear-cut situations where you may find yourself back and forth about keeping certain people and relationships in your life. Here are some other reasons relationships might reach this point:
Communication Issues: Persistent miscommunication, lack of dialogue, or unresolved conflicts can lead to feelings of frustration or disconnection.
Trust Problems: Betrayals, lies, or consistent broken promises can erode the foundation of trust, pushing the relationship to a breaking point.
Different Priorities: Diverging life goals, values, or priorities can cause friction, leading one or both people to question staying together or connected
Emotional Neglect: Feeling unappreciated, unsupported, or unloved might make someone feel the relationship no longer meets their needs.
Toxic Dynamics: Patterns of manipulation, abuse, or unhealthy conflict can make it clear the relationship isn’t sustainable or healthy.
After reading this far, if a relationship has come to mind and you realize that it is "on the chopping block," this is a moment for reflection. As I tell my clients, you can only speak from your perspective and experience. So, what was it for you? How did the relationship get here? Allowing for what is in your control, what steps can you take to address this person about your relationship? Open and honest communication can sometimes clarify whether the issues can be resolved or if parting ways is the best decision for everyone involved.
Remember: The healed version of your relationship requires the effort of all and to be present.
At this time of year, we reflect on the year to determine what served us and what didn’t. This includes relationships of all levels. Personal, professional, family, romantic, dating, and if I left any out, let me know. We are after alignment. We often think about who we need to cut off right because we often reevaluate our circles. Are these supports getting me to the version of myself I want to be? Based on where I am, am I developing better habits or staying stagnant? People are constantly reevaluating. And guess what, we have our own chopping blocks, and so do others! We may also be subject to being asked to exit other’s lives for whatever reason. Should this be the case, how can we handle if people think that not moving forward with us in their lives is what's best for them, that we respect their wishes?
In the online space, and maybe because I am a relationship therapist, there is a lot of content on intentionality, being deliberate and mindful with yourself and your friends. Much of available content focuses on how to discern if a relationship is toxic, bad for you, how to spot red flags, a hater, a jealous friend etc. It is very other-focused. Friends, sometimes we are the lacking and less-intentional friend. Sometimes we haven’t shown up or been reciprocal in our relationships. Simply, we haven’t shown up as needed and required based on the nature of relationship with another. Maybe I will do a blog on friendship another time. But, for intentionality, it is more than a buzzword. It’s a practice that connects to how we make room in our lives to be present and not on auto-pilot.
Intentionality in relationships means engaging in a relationship with purpose, clarity, and deliberate actions to nurture and strengthen the bond. It means showing a conscious effort to build and sustain a connection rather than leaving it to chance, passive habits, or the other person, or people in the group.
In my experience and things I see, I find that some people have a “What have you done for me, lately?” attitude when it comes to others. Give only after receiving, if at all. This can be gifts, time, love, money, support, a listening ear. Leaving the work of the relationship to others is also a way of neglecting the relationship. Break the ice first, initiate. This also includes, if something feels off or funny, be the one to say “Hey, I’ve been thinking about us, our connection, and I wonder if we can make some time to talk about things?”
Nothing is forever, we can enjoy loving and nurturing relationships and friendships that come to an end. It does not have to end on a nasty note, with drama, or cold silence where things go unsaid and we ghost each other. We can use the opportunity to say this has been great in these ways, not so great in others, and I appreciate the time that we had. Releasing is also a form of love and care.
Moving forward, let us lead with intentionality and find ourselves in environments and relationships in alignment with what we say we want and deserve. I wish you, your families, friendships, partners, etc. all the best this Christmas, Holiday, and New Year season.
Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
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