Do I Buy a Gift for my Sneaky Link?
Happy Sunday and thanks for taking time to read the Undoing Toxic- Sunday Mixup Blog. If you've been waiting for something juicy, I think this week's topic is it.
Do I buy a gift for my sneaky link?
In the spirit of the holidays this month, it's a question that may come to mind for some people.
How long do you need to know someone to buy them something?
Does it make you stupid or foolish?
Should there be a price range/ limit?
What am I really hoping for in giving them a gift? What do I want them to know or think about me?
As a therapist and overthinker, I am always curious about what drives or motivates a behavior. What makes you want to gift something to your sneaky link? Okay, maybe it's not a sneaky link. It can also be your friend, a partner, someone you're dating, considering "something more" with, or just involved with in some way.
In gift giving, I think we often think about the recipient's anticipated reaction. What would they like? What would they love to have? Will it be a complete surprise? Is this a practical gift? Are they going to use what I give them? Will they appreciate what I did for them? I want them to know I was thinking of them and wanted to do something kind.
Even in the most casual of relationships (or entanglements) people want something. Some people want love, company, sex, someone to call, or all of it.
In considering gift-giving this season (or not), what is driving your decision? This week, a friend of mine asked me to write more specifically about dating and relationships. I think dating has always been a bit of a “show and prove” situation. We are all making efforts to show up in dating situations to land a relationship. And a part of the interviewing/dating process is proving what kind of partner would you or could you be. And deciding on gift-giving may be one of the first dilemmas in a new connection/relationship.
I want them to know I'm kind. I'm thoughtful, considerate. I have good taste. I'll get them the best of anything.
And I believe being intentional and considerate is a good thing in dating. But sometimes, it is a quality that can be taken advantage of. Because of this, there are some who are really willing to show and prove, and the recipients take advantage. Givers have to use discernment because takers will always take.
People fall back and invest less in relationships (any connection with another person) for fear of betrayal or getting hurt. Have you ever done too much for the wrong person? Then you say you'll never do that again? I'm definitely raising my hand.
There's a saying: once bitten, twice shy. You'll definitely think twice before doing too much again.
What advice can I give you?
Think about your intentions. Do you feel obligated to gift something based on the nature of the relationship?
Are you giving in hopes of receiving a gift in return?
Would you be disappointed if you gave your “sneaky link” a gift and they didn't reciprocate (didn't get you anything)?
Rule of thumb: only do what and as much as YOU feel comfortable with. If you have a budget, stick to that. If you have an intention and want to check it out with your person, you can ask.
For example: Hey I'm really into the holidays and getting my friends/ loved ones/ people I'm cool with a gift of some kind. Is there anything you've been thinking about or have your eye on? I'd like to get you something.
Depending on how they answer, that's information. Sometimes we just need to ask to be let off the hook. We tie our own expectations to situations and drive ourselves crazy with feeling obligated.
Gift-giving is so much easier when it's from the heart with no pressure.
What are your thoughts? Would you buy something for a sneaky link? Why or why not?
Thanks for reading. Drop me a comment.
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