An Old Habit Is Hard To Break
Happy Sunday! Welcome back to the Undoing Toxic Blog in 2025. Again, I am using inspiration for suggestion from those who responded on a past instagram story. Today, I will talk about something we all fear: change.
Why is an old habit hard to break? We are humans and from our inception, birth, and being socialized into where we are in the world, we are receiving unique messages. We learn early on how to manage time, or not, money, priorities, relationships, and personal responsibility. However, we get to an age where the adults in our lives take a step back, and then we are navigating personal choices alone.
As we grow and become our own people with our likes, dislikes, and identities, we form habits. Have you ever heard this old saying, “an old habit is hard to break”?
Well, it’s true. We are still in the month of January and in a new year. This is the time many commit to making new change, being really serious about it, and maybe they have been here before.
I am not making any more excuses.
I can’t go back to ___________ (fill in the blank).
I know this person, place, or thing, is no good for me, but I don’t know why.
We often make excuses to rationalize our behavior.
One last time…then I promise.
Why are we always making conditions? This is not about judging but to really understand what gets in the way of self-accountability.
People often struggle to break free from old patterns with themselves and others due to a combination of psychological, emotional, and social factors. Here are some reasons why this can be challenging:
1. Comfort in Familiarity
Even when patterns are unhealthy, they are familiar and predictable, providing a sense of security. Change introduces uncertainty, which can feel uncomfortable or threatening.
2. Neurological Pathways
Repeated behaviors and thoughts create neural pathways in the brain, making these patterns habitual. Changing these requires conscious effort and repetition to rewire the brain.
3. Emotional Attachments
Patterns in relationships are often tied to deep emotions and unmet needs. Breaking them may require confronting painful emotions or fears of rejection and abandonment.
4. Cognitive Biases
People may have blind spots or biases (e.g., confirmation bias) that reinforce old ways of thinking and behaving. They might interpret situations in ways that align with their existing patterns.
5. Unresolved Trauma
Past experiences, especially traumatic ones, can leave emotional imprints that influence behavior. These imprints may replay in relationships or self-perceptions until they are consciously addressed.
6. Social and Environmental Reinforcement
Relationships and environments often perpetuate old patterns. If others reinforce the behavior (intentionally or not), it becomes harder to change.
7. Fear of Failure or Success
People may fear that attempting to change could lead to failure, disappointment, or even the responsibilities that come with success.
8. Identity and Self-Concept
Behaviors are often tied to how people see themselves. Changing patterns may require reshaping one’s identity, which can feel disorienting.
9. Lack of Awareness or Insight
Sometimes, people aren't aware of their patterns or the impact they have. Without this awareness, they may not see a need for change.
10. Resistance to Change
Change requires effort and can evoke resistance due to laziness, fatigue, or fear of losing control over one’s life or relationships.
How can you start to overcome old patterns?
Breaking free often requires a combination of self-awareness, deliberate action, and external support:
Self-reflection: Journaling, therapy, or mindfulness can help identify patterns and their roots.
Professional support: Therapy or coaching can provide tools and accountability for change.
Small, consistent changes: Focusing on incremental shifts makes change more manageable.
Supportive relationships: Surrounding oneself with people who encourage growth can help reinforce new behaviors.
Self-compassion: Change is difficult, and setbacks are part of the process. Being kind to oneself can reduce shame and promote persistence.
Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)
For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.
Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.
Disclaimer:
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